Well fawkn ehh, its been a while since I pounded this thing like a Lawdge server...
Just hit my 9mts clean and sober. Not a drop of booze, toot, puff the magic draghole, nuttin… But I do find myself occasionally having a smoke of a ciggypoo here and there... NOT a habit I want to start, but it's helped in certain situations.... Back to chomping on gum instead, that's cleaner and much cooler...The cigs help with the minor anxiety flare ups of being in and a round a goddamn fawkn bar non stop...Which will soon stop...
Ive been busting my ass with The Dojo for over a year now. Its been one wile fawkn ride to say the least. I started that bitch and a few months later I got stabbed in the fawkn neck a quarter inch from my carotid artery, bled the fawk out, had a blood transfusion, emergency surgery, and almost died in the sense that the shank was so close to the artery and from stab to ER it was about 20mins which means if it hit the artery, the surgeons said the BEST case for me would have been a major stroke, but the most likely scenario would have been death, cuz of that 20min lag of being lost in SanDiego…
SO here I am, punching away at this thing like its my last jerkathon before school is back in session. Trying to make sense of it all, when in reality, it makes total fawkn sense...
Ive considered a life of complete and total sobriety for a very long time...I thought about how it would be to not want or feel the need to drink, even just one or two... My issues aren't with the booze n drugs itself, my issues have been with feeling the need to be the party boy, the ring leader, the one that knows how to have fun, let loose, all that Vegas kinda shit... I then dug deeper and saw that I felt that I wasn't cool enough so I needed booze to be a better version of me...And that got out of hand a long long time ago... I let booze become me, I let it take over me and run the ship... I felt like I needed it to have friends, hook people up at bars I worked at, get bottles n table service n all that shit... Then I never wanted the party to stop, I loved the thrill, the excitement of staying up til 3,4,5,6am drinking and talking and tryna slide my jinglebearers into some sludge...Then I found coke and it literally just ruined everything...Coke is such a garbage drug... Its ideally a great clean drug to jack you up and make you feel like doing shit, when all it is is stepped on rat poison mixed with baby powder that makes u feel like you are in a rapeshed of a bathroom with 3 other people talking about all the ideas and things you are gonna do when in reality you are going to do absofawnlootly nothing because the next day or AFTERFAWKNNOON you will have such a fawk of a cokeover that you will lay in bed with a shriveled up penis tryin to wack yourself to sleep and then nut what looks like a fly loogy and try to pass out and that wont work so you just smoke 3 bowls and numb out and have that weird..am I asleep or not sleep... Gawd DAMN that sounds sickenly awful...And for fawkz sake we've all been there, don't lie and project and say it was him or her, when deep deep DEEP o baby DEEP down inside you know exactofawknlootly what tha fawk im talking about....
Anyways, where was I.. O ya... The Dojo or something or nother…
I love that thing and everything about it... From Sams insanity to my lil terds that help out, Drew n Stinky... I've got something really fawkn special on my hands and I want that bish to prosper and grow into a legit AF comedy room (maybe even a club) but I also need to make way for who I am and what I want to do as well... Theres more to my life and goals that I'll just keep off tha muthafawkn innawebb, cuz hey bishes, that MY choice...so eat a dik if u don't like it...
Its a shit day out today in LA, cold, rainy approaching a cumfilled weekend...Yet Im kinda happy about my current status... I got jazz on, wrapped up in an APC blankie LilTrev got for me, warm coffee, writing my dick off and got some soup-gruel-slop in the crockpot that looks like prison dumplings... Life aint so bad as long as you change your prescription every once in a while.. NO I don't mean the addy, percs and all that bullshit you shove down your throat because you've convinced yourself you need medication to be a better person... I was being figurative in saying, change your prescription on your perception of life and reality... You gotta role with the punches n shit, life CAN be all sunshine and rainbows, but it can also be cold n rainy like it is right now in LA... Use this time to be a lil wiser n smarter about what u needa get done... I got laundry to do, I aint gonna do it.. I need new chonies too..and Id like to get new running shoes so I can actually start running again and lose this 6month preggo belly once and for all...Jesus I think Im lactating again..hold on, gotta go pump...
Ok im back from that fictional pumping sesh with ma tiddez…
Anyways, here's WONDERWALL...