The Dating Scene

By Trevor A. Keveloh

Lets kick this off my first stating a few things about myself so you get a bit more of my history, just a little bit. I am in my 30’s, never been married, no kids, YES I’ve been in love, YES I’ve been in lust (many more times) I have lived in 4 states and I’ve have held every job under the sun in my adult life. Everything from an Account Executive, to a teachers aide, to a construction hump, to a restaurant manager to waving a sign outside of a Chinese diner dressed like Karate Elvis. I’ve been flat broke and I’ve had plenty of money in my wallet, bank accounts, sock drawers and wrapped up in things. I’ve dined with the best and I’ve lived on 99cent tacos. So with all the crap out of the way, you can tell I’ve probably met some interesting women in my journey through life. YES, many many many THINGS, a handful of legitimate girlfriends, plenty of one-night stands, FWB program and all the over shit I don’t feel like putting down.

My first girlfriend was in 8th grade and she ended up cheating on me with some guy I knew and I’m pretty sure they banged. I got to 2nd base with her which isn’t cool to brag about since she was not very well developed for her age, however I looked like I was about 18 when I was in 8th grade. I had another girlfriend in high school who cheated on me and I also shared the same girl with 2 of my cousins who were brothers. So you can say that since I was young, I was going after shitheads. If any of you ex’s decide to read my regurgitate shit, don’t get offended, you are just a catalyst in what I am trying to get to which is…The, “dating scene,” has gone to SHIT!!!

Now folks, I get to say what I want on this because, well it IS MY website, so yea. Things are a fucking joke right now. Too many men and women are blatant fucking liars about, “what they want in a husband/wife or bf/gf,” or whatever the FAWK it is they are claiming to want at that point in time. I’m on about 5-10 dating/hookup websites and I swear to shits its all shenanigans, all bullshit, all fawkn lies, everyone on there, fawk even some of my shit is just fawkn shit. I dabble around on Facebook and creep on girls, I follow my tweeps on Twitter and I see who’s who on the major dating websites. It’s all a buncha of bullshit. You hear assholes saying you, “can’t find love in a bar,” which is the biggest crock of shit on the planet. I know plenty of people who found love in a hopeless place and it’s always the one of the other. They were either looking like a motherfucker to find someone or they fell in love randomly and shit. Which brings me to the saddest place to find someone which is where I’ve been since I was 16, online dating. I’m not even going to list all the fucking websites I’ve signed up for to see what the fuck is happening with these people. I know I’m no fawkn Brad Pitt or Colin Farrell or whoever else chics flick their beans too, but I seem to have been attracting women that I just can’t see myself hanging out with outside of pretend interest emailing. I saw this one chics profile and it basically said this, “I am a very sexual person, but I am not a whore. I don’t sleep around but I like to have a lot of sex when I find the right person. Do not contact me if you are looking for a hook up only.” And this fawkn chic, no fawkn lie, this fawkn chic had a picture of herself in a muthafawkn tanning bed TOPLESS but you couldn’t see her titties. Just enough to know she’s topless. It’s like some street vendor selling you the ends of hot dogs rather than the whole muthafawkn hot dog. Just the tip n shit ya know! So this chic says all that in her profile, has a skanky pic of herself in a tanning bed and isn’t looking for a hook up. SHUT THE FAWK UP YOU FAWKN PIG! You piece of shit asshole scum wad whorebag. You fawkn play that shit and NOT expect some dirt bag muthafawka to hit you up for some ass? REALLY! A fawkn picture of your ass in a fawkn TANNING BED? Where the FAWK did you learn to be coy, the school of LOOK AT ME I’M A WHORE! Anyways, that was kind of funny and I considered messaging her to be all nice just to see if she would respond but bitch had fawkn CRAZY eyes so I backed off.

I guess back in the day, before Al Gore invented the internet, people met the old fashioned way. Church, blind dates, friends, work, grocery stores, etc. Lately it seems like the women in my social networks could care less about introducing me to a friend. And I figured out why. Whether or not that female “friend” of mine is single, taken or married it’s the absolute ONE thing I have decided, no matter what, these “friends” always want my attention. Now I am not going to sit here and delegate myself as some freak that thinks I am the only one because this goes for other assholes in my situation. These girls, yes I am going to say GIRLS rather than WOMEN until they prove otherwise, just constantly want mine/our attention. They don’t want us to go and meet someone and have a good time and maybe be happy for an extended amount of time. No, they don’t want that. They are going to say shit like, “why don’t you have a girlfriend,” or, “you deserve better than her,” or, “don’t go looking for love, it will find you.” And ya know what I say to all that, FAWK OFF! Just because you “found” someone, or you are happily (BULLSHIT) single or you are in a relationship and happy (why do you want to hangout with single people if you are so happy) and all that shit? I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore because its all rubbish.

I can be perfectly honest and say YES I have always preferred the single life. This has nothing to do with meaningless sex (to me NO sex is meaningless by the way) or scared to commit. What it has to do with is there is a lot I want in life and it might no coincide with a girlfriend or wife. I want kids more than I want a wife but I know that being silly and nutting in the wrong girl will lead to nothing but problems, so I pull out and spray paint their trampstamps instead or throw a some jellyfish on their bellybutton. But when it’s all said and done, it would be cool to find someone to share cool shit with. I’ve got a lot of “friends” but I have, like most people, a handful of people who I can literally count on if shit got ugly. That’s a whole nother story I will get into on a separate entry. On the contrary to all that dating shit, I have gotten to use to my independency and freedom that I wouldn’t want to disrupt it for the wrong lady because the RIGHT lady wouldn’t, namean? That’s what I’m talking about right there. You find someone you think you can be with, someone that won’t change you, you won’t change them ya know, like the first X months. Then they start asking you to cover your mouth when you chew, or they ask you to be more like the way you use to be, or they start dressing you, it’s all horseshit and ladies do this WAY more then the fellas do. Females have this DNA strand that makes them want to change a guy into someone they want them to be. Then after a year or 2 or whatever of dating, ladies wonder why the guy isn’t the same as when they first met? IT”S BECAUSE YOU FAWKN CHANGED HIM. OMG, it’s like asking someone for directions in a town with 4 streets. Ladies fall out of love with this dood because they changed him into some other dood they thought that wanted, then realize after the breakup that she fell in love with the dood that liked to shit with the door open or play a game of Madden after a shitty day of work.

“Chivalry is dead and women killed it.” Thank you Dave Chapelle for stating that because so many of us men and women believe in this, but each of the sexes will argue on all the whys. Listen women, chivalry is FAR from dead, but when you sit there and mentally masturbate over some dirty rotten smacked out looking rockstar who may or may not be the second coming of Charles Manson, you have to understand. I know I know that we are all attracted to people for different reasons. Inner and outer beauty. Tits vs. Ass. Calves vs. Thighs. Smile vs. Teeth. I get it. But if you are going to trip over doods that look like denim’d out dumpster-divers, you have to expect that the guy that’s trying to bang you while you drip over the douche across the bar is going to think you really are scummy and treat you that way. Guys, you don’t have to dress in a suit like Barney Stinson nor do you have to dress like Nick Nolte on a vodka binge. Just dress the way you want and be yourself, because when you do that, you will attract the RIGHT person. This goes for ladies as well.

I have gotten to the point where I attract girls that look at me like I’m the King of the Lepers and want to be my pal rather than enjoy my semen. It actually really isn’t a big deal. I work around women and I don’t mind them wanting nothing to do with me other than work or having a few drinks, it’s just one less headache to deal with. I rarely meet a woman that stuns me either by beauty and/or brains so it’s rare that I’d even hit on some piece of work. I think I just really KNOW when to bring out the mack-card when I actually meet someone I feel is worth getting to know. And as far as that goes, it’s been a while, shits getting dusty.

I don’t even think people read my shit anymore so this has turned into more of therapy for me rather than creating an audience so I guess I can just say whatever I want since it won’t offend anyone. So maybe it’s not in the cards for me at all or yet. Maybe I just kick back and continue to enjoy the ride and see what comes my way. Lord knows I’ve been doing it so I guess I’ll be doing it a little bit longer. Look all you want, don’t look and let it come to you, either way just enjoy your life. With or without someone next to you, it’s a pretty kickass journey.