"Guard Up; Guard Down"

By Trevor A. Keveloh

I see this more and more lately in people referring to “walls” and keeping their “guard up” so they wont get hurt. I have been a victim of keeping my guard up from time to time since I was in my teenage years. I first started to experience the hurt from girls, work, friends and life in general. It’s a nasty thing to get involved in if you keep it up too long, if you let it consume you, if you let it create this alter ego about you. People that cant be themselves and be happy are constantly battling some sort of emotional loss or disconnection from their social group or society as a whole. Some people choose to be anti-social and create almost a fictitious world they may live in from time to time or even forever. I can honestly say that the seed of letting my guard down and expressing my own self started in Arizona when I was 22. I had the time of my life for about 6 months. I met some amazing people out there that really showed me that being yourself, no matter how you look, is far better than hiding from who you are. I came out of my shell. I’ve never been the same. I am approaching 36 years old and I am no where near the man I was then. Mainly because of one word.
Experience.
I have experienced so much more than a lot of my peers that I can’t even start to tell you the things I’ve seen, done, heard and so on. People my age are typically married and having kids, getting promotions, working on a second mortgage, dealing with insurance issues with their career. I am trying to live out my dreams and eventually become the man I was intended to be. And what makes that more acceptable to me, what makes it easier to get to even at my age is that I let my guard down. People know a good portion of the real me because I initially tell them and then ultimately show them. I don’t beat around the bush and I come out and just do it. I wear my heart on my sleeve, a choice I began to make about 8 years ago. To be open and honest, free and vocal, to not hesitate because so much in life is NOT promised to you.
There is this other part of me that IS guarded. This part that not everyone gets to see in which we all have. It’s not just the dirty secrets or skeletons in the closet, it’s just another part of me that usually lies dormant because there isn’t much of a reason for it to come out and play. Certain people get to see it, sometimes I like to show it off like a new toy, but ultimately I just let it chill inside me for certain occasions. Either way, we all have that different piece of us we aren’t all willing to give everyone. It’s too special. Some people have an entire life that they keep like that, others, just some weird shit like hobbies or fucked up shit they did in college. Either way, it’s natural, it’s a way with coping with trust and a there lack of. I’ve dealt with it mainly in dating and some levels of friendship. Not all my friends see me the same way. In general, yea they see me as a happy outgoing guy with typical struggles. But some see the real me because they have experienced different situations with me. In regards to dating, yea, some people have seen me differently with certain girls I’ve dated, but ultimately they know I do give most girls my all. It may seem at times like I’m not, but I’ve learned that if I’m going to date someone I HAVE to give her everything. They have to get as much of me as they can. Not always right away, hell never right away, but you eventually you have to just let yourself go and REALLY be YOU around them.
I personally think that having some sort of guard is good, it kind of gives us as humans the option to let certain people in and keep certain people out. But I think that too many people who have been hurt use the ole, “keeping my guard up,” as a defense mechanism for all the wrong reasons. I understand that some may not want to get hurt, but if you've never gotten hurt, how would you know the feeling? Just because you read it in a book, saw it in a movie or talked about it with someone, you may never really experience true hurt, true loss, true pain, true love. Being hurt is human, its good for you, it allows the balance of life to encourage you to seek pleasure. If we didn’t hurt, we may never know what real joy felt like. But don’t keep your guard up because some asshole employer treated you like shit, some guy/girl burned you, someone shit on your lawn. Go out there and give, love, be real to people. Ya don’t have to invite strangers into your home but be good to your fellow man. Too many people are missing out on life. Waiting for things to happen so they can move onto the next. Not enough people are taking the time to stop and smell the roses. So do that. And whatever else you do. Live free. Love free. Be free.