What is YOUR Spirit Animal?

I had recently wrote a detailed description of the meanings behind spirit animals and as promised, I am writing the 2nd edition to it.
When figuring out your spirit animal and how it represents you, there is a very methodical and scientific way that is virtually flawless. Most people are within a 10 animal category but on occasion, a few slip thru the cracks which I have recently discovered and this has opened up the floodgates considerably. As I continue my intercontinental research on the subject, I will give you the first edition of...
"What Is YOUR Spirit Animal?"

0...
Italian Stallion:
The Italian Stallion is a creature that was first seen in the 1970's and depicted in a number of ways. You may not be very intelligent, you may actually be pretty dumb, but you have a really great heart and may be on the short side. You have a problem speaking outside of the standard skills of someone from a third world country but you have brute physical force. The best careers for you have little or nothing to do with communicating to humans and would be best fit as an expendable, dancer or washroom attendant back up.

1...
Mother Fucker:
The Mother Fucker is a very very VERY special creature in the sense that it doesn't always just fuck mothers, but it's been known to actually mother fuck a situation, person, tree, animal, event or in the strangest of cases, it actually can mother fuck a mother fucker. Mother fuckers are destined for greatness, but don't always go about it in the traditional style, sometimes they mother fuck their way in and out of unfortunate situations and sometimes they mother fuck their way into your life. Mother fuckers have the best careers in recruiting, sales, ushers at movie theaters, bartenders, bar managers, but most obvious, entertainers.

2...
Armenian Snow Leopard:
The beautiful and delicate animal is something that you may never encounter ever, ever, ever in your frivolous life. This nomadic being is one that depicts the uncertainty of your everyday life. You aren't always sure if you really wanna "do it," so sometimes you just do it and deal with the consequences later. Armenian snow leopards are often seen as not much of a threat to the average person, but can have a wicked temper and short fuse if pushed into a corner or bent over an afterhours bathroom sink. They are generally GOOD people but sometimes can be a bit on the hoey side. The careers that best fit them would be something in the line of mechanics, dealers, Starbucks regulars, bros, or floral decor person.

3...
Pooja:
The Pooja, ooooo the Pooja, it's kind of like a Koala bear yet nothing like it at all, in the sense that it thinks it knows everything yet knows nothing. The pooja is someone who is usually found scouring the Internet for WEBMD facts in order to strengthen their case on a debate about something they know little or nothing about. They use Google as their main weapon of attack and also use "life experiences" as a way to explain something they know nothing about. Poojas can be very sincere, honest and nice but have a deadly knife ready to attack at anytime, they are like those savages from that Daniel Day Lewis flick where is is yelling "I will find you," in the rain n shit. Poojas best careers paths are ones where they have to do as little work as possible and can talk a lot and do a little.

4...
Detective Chewy:
These are the animals that most people would say are, "just fawkn weird." You can always point one out in a crowd because they will most likely be wearing one of those big stupid hats that don't look cool on anyone, male or female or tranny. They are a bit on the creative bright side, but a bit on the dumb side when it comes to being socially stable. You can find them in shitty bookstores, walking around chewing on hay, or if you think you are one, you probably don't think you are one, but numbers don't lie and if you are a 4, you are a Detective Chewy. These people are best in the careers of not fashion, bridge club members, cigar rollers and
Birkenstock sales and manufactures.

5...
Kitten:
I love kittens, I love all of them, if you are a kitten, I will love you and love you forever. Kittens are magical lil fawkers who are usually under the height of 5'5 and have dark hair and tattoos of kittens or motorcycles or even tattoos of tattoos. Kittens like to be held, fed milk and played with a lot, but when they are done with you, they are done with you and I mean that in both the figurative and literal sense. Kittens are often found playing a lot listening to Bobby Rayburn while they sip Drambuie from a authentic 1950's snifter. Their best career paths are typically in anything relating to Frank, helping kids, feeding animals or pretending to be someone they are not, sometimes even being someone they are not for an extended amount of time.

6...
Chon Chon:
If your spirit animal is the delicious chon chon, I must meat you. Chon chons are usually of Mexican descent and are usually fun and neat people. You have a tendency to be very chon chony and have a strong way of yelling, "toot toot," or, "bomba," or even, "keeechen clozd ese." If you are one, you may also be a fan of Barbara Streisand or Winnie The Pooh. You have a strong liking for the arts of paper making as well, or even an interest in machetes n shit. Your best career paths are pilots, engineers, flight simulator creators, java developers and on special occasions, cement mixers.

7...
Gumby:
If you are a Gumby, you are most likely a decent person. You may lack some basic skills of choosing the right things to do at the right moments, but you'll always have a sidekick pony around to deter you from going to far into a bad choice. You are delicate, nurturing, strong, weak, hopeless, hopeful, peaceful and war minded. You may not always been green, but you may sometimes be green. You may even be an off green, but that's because you got left out in the sun too long. If you end up being a 7, just look at the bright side, at least you are still alive, even if you are dead inside. Your best career choices are, I really don't know, you guys are really hard to read and sometimes I think you are reptilian people like Obama.

8...
Summer:
If you are an 8, you are probably pretty hot as a person. You take life serious but at the same time you take life not so serious, like you know how to have fun n shit. You are a good worker and deserve hugs but sometimes you get tired and need to sleep. Sexy eyes and a smile go along with your typical physical trait and that stems from whats going on upstairs. You like to read blogs or maybe you don't. I haven't really figured it out because I actually have no clue what I'm talking about but that doesn't matter because what I am saying is factual. Summer breeze, makes me feel fine. The best career choices for you are a cook not a chef, a woodsman, builder of some sort, brain surgeon or princess.

9...
Subotai:
The ole Subotai, not to be confused with subway or sub o rotten or Jared. This lil fawker is a good one. Sneaky you are, fast you are, committed you are, loyal you are. You may carry a bow and arrow set and wear pelt skins instead of clothes. You enjoy hiking, checkers, craps and pisses. You are enthusiastic about jumping off buildings but you may be scared of a lil wind, even the ones you break. You are good natured and have a strong soul but sometimes you get out of hand with your liquor and that could be because you are a drunk and cant handle your shit. The best career choices for you are a governor, dictator, potato farmer, polisher, mean streets quoter or belly ring installer.

10...
Bonus:
If you are a 10, well shit, you are a fawkn dime and a bonus at the same time, you like Jonas and Busta Rhymes, coming out like the LA Times. Fast and hard, with no lard, skinny and sexy driving a lexy. Gimmie dat ass, or eat my grass, live and let live, or live and let die, either way, we are gonna get high, on someone else's supply and do a drive by, shooting bullets of hotness into houses of loneliness, like two dope boys in a Cadillac, matter of fact, get yourself a dime this time and quit committing the ultimate crime, of killing time.

That's about it. I'm kind of hungry and want to save energy for my third edition of this. If you are having a hard time trying to figure out which number you are, just read them all again, whichever one you like the most, that's probably you and if your number doesn't match to it, that's ok because you can always work towards what you want in life, even if it's not your designated number, but what you truly feel is..
YOUR Spirit Animal...