Thanks--Giving

Thanksgiving is a great American holiday and should be treated like that until the end of time. However it means a bit more to me and it's never a grand ole feast.

It's been 6 years since I moved back from L.A. to Chicago. It was the hardest decision in my life at the time and it still something I obviously haven't been able to let go of. Thanksgiving was difficult and there were things happening around me that I was unaware of and was completely confused about. My family being big and strong kept me at ease and I never suffered any serious emotional damage, but maybe a few nicks and scratches. The events that occured with at first were hurtful and painful but I later realized that it was for the best. Looking back now, I see that there was a reason for me to stay in Chicago and not go back to L.A. Those thoughts still stay with me and I try to push them away, kill them, bury them. But they linger and will abruptly show up in a state of unconsciousness.

I don't fear these thoughts, these choices, these lingering ideas. I simply want to move on and I feel like I can't. I feel like there is something not just holding me back but waiting for me to let go of it. Taking the next step to a level in which I can pursue all these things I know are so right for me. I try to put on a song and dance around this time but it just feels so damn hard too. I want to just skip right over and on to the next. But I can't, I must stand up and face these days until the next. What I feel, what I think, what I know about this time is it's just damn fucking hard!

Ramblin Man

I gotta say.... Shit gets good, shit gets bad, shit gets pretty, shit gets ugly... In the end its all the same... I think I have worked more outside my current FT job than when I am actually there, well in the past month or so. Dealing with people in the same kind of position, dealing with artists, dealing with managers and blablabla. It seems like a constant battle of simply, communication.

I am not going to rant about the absoloootly redic personal issues I've had lately because they are fucking stupid issues that should have been resolved instantly, however they've all been drawn out like a really bad soap opera. SO...

I'll be in VEGAS in a few weeks for the MMA Awards which everyone on Facebook knows due to my constant posts. FIGHT CHIX has been nominated for, "Best MMA Lifestyle Clothing Brand," and its pretty fucking RAD! I've been communicating with every type of promotional group, manager, director, etc in order to find the best places to have events and such. Aside from that I've been dealing more with bands on a personal level for my FT job at The Lodge. Talking with bigger bands and managers and trying to negotiate terms, contracts and so on. It's been fun but exhausting at times. I've also been working on side projects in order to try to spike business for both companies I work with. It's been fun, kept me busy, a little tiring at times but all in all it's been worth it. I show my value as much as I can but some seem to not see it. The people who do are the people I respect because I do feel like I'm out on an island shouting and not too many hear me. I am not complaining I am simply stating the obvious. I work with a decent amount of people and I would say I do more in one week than most do in an entire month. It's sad but it makes me realize and understand that I will eventually succeed and move on to bigger and better things. However, I am older than most people I work with so it's kind of a growing process. There are people I work with that have similar goals and those are the ones I want to kindly tip my hat too. I don't look down upon others but I do just raise my glass in a different direction when success is completed.