My Everchanging Life of Experiences...

I am easy influenced by the right influence and I believe that I influence others in hopefully the right manner(s). I have been an avid TOOL/APC fan for some time but in the past few years I have learned more about the band, members and lyrics. It's helped me through my best times and worse times. Not only the lyrics but the instrumentals, the way the music passes in and out of my body conscious and unconscious. I feel the music like no other and understand certain segments to a tee. I even meditate to the music from time to time because it puts me in a mental and emotional state that is level or at peace with my surroundings. But what I was able to experience this past weekend is something beyond any other.
I went down to St. Louis with some friends for a TOOL show and went in there with very little expectations and an open mind on how things would be. When we got in I stayed calm and intoxicated very little in order to keep an clear mind. The show kicked off with an MJK speech and then into the song, "Third Eye," which is in reference ti Hindu/Buddha about a higher level on consciousness. I let the entire show soak in in so many ways that I was so taken that I was rendered speechless. At one point in the concert during the song, "46 and 2," which is my favorite TOOL song, I began to tear up and got very emotional. It was a quick couple seconds where I allowed myself to be so open and vulnerable, something I rarely do. But it as worth it because it made me feel real, feel human. In the song, "Lateralus," Danny Carey hits a gong which is one of my favorite instrumental moments in music history. They played that song and he hit that gong. As God is my witness when he hit that gong that building shook like an volcano erupting. I knew it was coming, I was singing along with all the other TOOLheads and when that gong hit my body, my mind, my soul, my shadow were completely fucking rocked more than any single music/art experience of my life. I was taken. I was alive. I am humbled.

In Dreams...

So I have not told that many people about this re-occurring dream I've been having a few years now. I just had one the other night where I was dreaming that I was dreaming and I woke up in my dream but knew I was dreaming in my dream. Confusing, I know, try having them a lot. But when I wake up in reality I am totally confused on what is reality and what is not. The fortunate part of this is that it's only a dream and I am never very jaded by it. However...
I've had another dream in the past few years, maybe 3 or 4 of them. They are the most horrifying dreams, well nightmares, I have ever had. It has nothing to do with death, torture, blood, sickness or anything life-like, its far worse. I am dreaming that I am dreaming that I am dreaming. It's all black. I can't talk, I can't move, I can't do anything other than see pitch black. I try and try and try to toss and turn and wake myself up. In my dream I am trying harder than ever to shake myself awake and then I do but I am not in reality, all I have done is awaken from one dream into the next and it's the same vicious dream. Pitch black, can't talk, scream, or move, nothing but I see black. My eyes are closed but I try harder and harder to to shake myself awake, nothing. This dream is horrifying to me because it makes zero sense to me and I usually awake from them quite early and am too frightened to go back to bed. So at 6AM I sit on the couch and watch TV hoping the nightmare will not come back.
I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping the past 6years or so and people tell me to dope up on Tylenol PM or ambien or whatever but I can't bring myself to take sleep aids. I think I know what has caused my sleeping problems but I haven't a clue what this nightmareish dream represents. It's just horrifying to be unconscious and be 100% helpless and not be able to see, hear, smell, etc anything. All I see is darkness but my eyes are closed and I keep "awaking" to more darkness.
There is something there... Something either waiting for me to explode or waiting for me to break through the darkness...

LOL, ROFL, Texts, Picture Mail, Im's, Chatrooms, Vids.

Between heaven and hell is the little place we call reality. For some reason I constantly try to beat the reality out of life and function on different levels but that typically seizes once I pull out that little trickster fuck and begin pounding away and popping pics or vids of everyday life, the mortals world. I cannot predict what will happen with those small pieces of evidence but I can assure you that they will NOT go un-touched. The unfortunate part of that is when the shoe is on the other foot and I am the one being materialized. It's due just and I rarely get upset about these inexcusable events. I have learned to embrace my wild manner and do what comes natural to me. The only negative part of this process is the people who do not understand that it's all in the form of naturalistic art, humor, whatever the fuck I want to do. If it's OK for guys to get paid to do it on TV, then I think it should be OK for guys to do it wherever the fuck they want.
My theories don't always consist of anti-establishment or any of that silly extremist bullshit. One day it would be cool to get married and have kids, but I can only steer my life in the directions I am given. The gorgeous part of life is that you are always able to choose whatever the fuck it is you want. Tell me someone who is choice-less and I'll show you a big fat liar.
I don't like, "LOL's," via text because I am certain that the person LOLing me is not actually, "laughing out loud." They are just trying to end a text convo so they can continue doing whatever it is they are doing, which is most likely nothing.
I will choke until I swallow.

By The Time I Read This I May Be Gone.

Some say that the easiest way to end something is to just flat out end it. The problem with ending anything involving human interaction is the possibility of change or evolving. I have certainly become someone I never thought I'd become when I was 22 years old. I didn't expect to take the routes I have and choose the paths I have. I am a very proud person not only for who I am and how I treat others, but what I have experienced in order to get where I am at. Some may think I live a different or obscure lifestyle but I rather enjoy this lifestyle. Sometimes I feel the need, the need for speed and when I open it up it comes rushing in. A day in the life of me is simple, fun and light-hearted for the most part. Factor in some non-sense with the other gender and it's nothing more than another game deciding worth the playtime. A bad game is better than no game!
I recently went on a vacation to Vegas where I dabbled in some interesting scenarios and situations. I can honestly say that if I ever hunkered down in that town I would make a KILLING. I know I could bank hard there, it's just putting my ducks in a row prior to that in order to make it happen. That town is meant for a guy like me! But as for now its throwing O-bombs at people at The Lodge and gallivanting around towns like a living cartoon.