These Things Make Me Dizzy...

Jameson, beer bongs, margaritas, over-indulging in alcohol.... Not even close... That jaded feeling you get, slipping away, feeling vulnerable, chasing the dream, the dragon into it's own lair. Back and forth again and again. I can't even stand straight dreaming of these insecure delusions, of this world I once controlled. Now I've let go and it takes me higher. I can't bare to witness another day go by without searching for that feeling, that drug that rush, that fucking implanted sense of godlike feeling. I can't say what I want, I can't say what I want to, I can only feel, imagine, create in my head and spew it all out on a fucking blog. Goddamn you, Goddamn you I say. Fuck your commandments and fuck your righteous ways, this is me, who I am. I don't give a damn. (Don't worry, I'm not in a bad mood.)
People tell me what to say, what to wear, how to say, who to say it to. I say FUCK YOU!
Some say you are a part of me, some say you are all of me, I say you are JUST a part of me. Wandering away in the night while I sleep I imagine someone else, something else, somewhere else. But I awake and I realize it's all been false. The dream, the daze, the way I was.
If this is what you wanted, why didn't you come get it...

"Don't Judge Me."

It's not easy being cheesy. It's also not easy being so reluctant as to express myself in such a manner than may or may not offend the people around me. I believe in a lot of different theories ranging from Jung to basic Christianity, but one thing I firmly believe in is karma. The universe, the world, the state of mind we establish ourselves in daily, it's a vicious cycle that will continue beyond death. If you don't accept responsibility for your actions you are going to amount to a big pile of steaming shit! Pointing a finger, blaming others, passing the buck, what the fuck? I still cannot fathom some of the shit people actually beleive in a situation where THEY are the ones who created it.
ANYWAYS... I would like to take the time to thank so many people in my life past and present. It's the reltaionhips in life that really open your eyes to how great living really can be.

"Inspiration comes when you least expect it." Well you can say that again. Ive been talking about getting into the gym and hitting it hard the rest of the year and I think my calling has been heard. For starters I will just say that life is good...

To Whom It May Concern

Years and years of this, this constant writing, typing, computing and God knows whatever else I have used to express my white middle class feelings and thoughts about myself the altered world around me, well I guess it has boiled down to this. pounding away on my shitty laptop, along with millions of other people, expressing themselves in some grand way, some overly-schooled and super-wordy way, in some new age speech or simply in a way that can communicate to everyone.

5 or 6 years ago, I don't feel like being perfect on that one, I moved back from that whirlwind of of WHAT THE FUCK, LA! but prior to my 2nd feeble attempt was something that I thought would never happen because it is honestly that fucking cool. A 6 month affair with a gorgeous 40yr old woman I worked with, o yea and married. It all started with a harmless and honest comment about a shirt she was wearing but within days I was pounding away in her car outside a local bar. We went to hell, heaven and everywhere in between during that bizarre trip I took. The things said, thigns done, all those feelings of give and take on a daily basis, well fuck it.... It was great. Would I do it again? That depends. That depends on what happens now and then...

And now here I am, pounding away again. I'm not always sure what it is I'm trying to say or what I even am fucking talking about at any given time but it's typically to entertain the people reading and to help me move on to the next whatever in my life. I can only be as honest as I want to be but the rest is up to you, the reader.

One day I might realize that I can do more with what I've got but for now I express all this non-sense on this senseless site. Today is still a new day, a fresh day. Tomorrow, again. And so on, you get it, I get it. But for now. Fuck it....